Extreme Reaches of Boredom

What happens when one has nothing to do for 3 weeks? She starts thinking about stuff. Not that I've done nothing- I've started the job search and have taken my knitting to the next level. Other than that, the only people that I've seen are my parents, relatives and a childhood friend. I am considering going to the movies today but because of the holiday all of the mall rats will be out and I hate going alone- it makes me feel lonely. I've done it plenty of times before but it's pretty depressing, however I think I'm at my breaking point.

I've come to some conclusions about high school while I've had the ample time to let my mind wander. I hated it. That is nothing new. I was a jock in the drama/non-athlete crowd, as in I played a few sports and loved that but the social heirarchy of high school mandated that I wasn't as cool as my teammates becaue I was good friends with the drama crowd so I never hung out with them other than sports related stuff, although they were a fun bunch, and I always had games and never actually did drama so all of my good friends ignored me for their cooler drama friends. I had a few close friends, and those were the only ones I really kept in touch with after high school.

Unfortunately, out of those close friends, I barely speak to any of them. One I saw every break for a few years and then I realized how different we had become. I don't just mean what we wanted to do with our lives were different, but it seemed like to me she had lost all direction in life and was really happy getting into bar fights and waitressing in the south. She was just so different than what she was like when we were best friends in high school. My real best friend in high school never contacted me (maybe once) after graduation but I never expected her to anyway. (I know, what a friend).

This break has been depressing because I realized how one friend that I was really close to I let drift away and we hadn't spoke in a year or so. I used to love hanging out with him and being ridiculous. Now when I im-ed him it was just awkward and forced. I just get so tired of having to be the one keeping in touch and doing all the work. A lot of people from my high school commuted to college, including this friend and one other. I finally realized that part of the reason I have to do the planning is that they never are far from school friends. For me, everyone is a few hundred miles away and I don't get to see them (other than a few people who live pretty close) during breaks so I have to relay on high school friends for any social contact with people who I'm not related to. Commuting people do not have to experience the being away from all of your friends situation because most people still live within half an hour of each other. Case and point: if I want to see anyone I have to do all the work because they have other friends. I mean, I would probably do the same thing if I commuted (although I'd probably kill myself from living with my parents first) but every now and then it's nice to have a call or something reciprocated so that I know I'm not the only one that cares. Not that I do that anymore since I've given up...

I guess I feel kind of abandoned.

Going through that and now looking for a job where I'm continually told "being average at a good school is much worse than being over-average at a state school" has put a damper on life right now. Underaverage grades? Good luck finding a job. Just think- I could have slacked off at Northeastern for 5 years and gotten a 3.5+ and had my pick of a job. However, I worked my ass off at Hopkins for 4 years and have under a 3. Should have picked the easy route! And then I would have had a new car (since I would have had a full scholarship there my parents would have bought me a car), my pick of jobs, and the possibility of drinking if I had homework due, as opposed to paying 40,000$ a year, searching long and hard for a job that interests me and only going out if my work was done or under control (once a week).

On the other hand, I found this great career website for jobs in food which I think could be a real asset. One head hunting company has emailed me back through it, but they're more agriculture than foods. And located in the midwest. We'll see.