Extreme Reaches of Boredom

What happens when one has nothing to do for 3 weeks? She starts thinking about stuff. Not that I've done nothing- I've started the job search and have taken my knitting to the next level. Other than that, the only people that I've seen are my parents, relatives and a childhood friend. I am considering going to the movies today but because of the holiday all of the mall rats will be out and I hate going alone- it makes me feel lonely. I've done it plenty of times before but it's pretty depressing, however I think I'm at my breaking point.

I've come to some conclusions about high school while I've had the ample time to let my mind wander. I hated it. That is nothing new. I was a jock in the drama/non-athlete crowd, as in I played a few sports and loved that but the social heirarchy of high school mandated that I wasn't as cool as my teammates becaue I was good friends with the drama crowd so I never hung out with them other than sports related stuff, although they were a fun bunch, and I always had games and never actually did drama so all of my good friends ignored me for their cooler drama friends. I had a few close friends, and those were the only ones I really kept in touch with after high school.

Unfortunately, out of those close friends, I barely speak to any of them. One I saw every break for a few years and then I realized how different we had become. I don't just mean what we wanted to do with our lives were different, but it seemed like to me she had lost all direction in life and was really happy getting into bar fights and waitressing in the south. She was just so different than what she was like when we were best friends in high school. My real best friend in high school never contacted me (maybe once) after graduation but I never expected her to anyway. (I know, what a friend).

This break has been depressing because I realized how one friend that I was really close to I let drift away and we hadn't spoke in a year or so. I used to love hanging out with him and being ridiculous. Now when I im-ed him it was just awkward and forced. I just get so tired of having to be the one keeping in touch and doing all the work. A lot of people from my high school commuted to college, including this friend and one other. I finally realized that part of the reason I have to do the planning is that they never are far from school friends. For me, everyone is a few hundred miles away and I don't get to see them (other than a few people who live pretty close) during breaks so I have to relay on high school friends for any social contact with people who I'm not related to. Commuting people do not have to experience the being away from all of your friends situation because most people still live within half an hour of each other. Case and point: if I want to see anyone I have to do all the work because they have other friends. I mean, I would probably do the same thing if I commuted (although I'd probably kill myself from living with my parents first) but every now and then it's nice to have a call or something reciprocated so that I know I'm not the only one that cares. Not that I do that anymore since I've given up...

I guess I feel kind of abandoned.

Going through that and now looking for a job where I'm continually told "being average at a good school is much worse than being over-average at a state school" has put a damper on life right now. Underaverage grades? Good luck finding a job. Just think- I could have slacked off at Northeastern for 5 years and gotten a 3.5+ and had my pick of a job. However, I worked my ass off at Hopkins for 4 years and have under a 3. Should have picked the easy route! And then I would have had a new car (since I would have had a full scholarship there my parents would have bought me a car), my pick of jobs, and the possibility of drinking if I had homework due, as opposed to paying 40,000$ a year, searching long and hard for a job that interests me and only going out if my work was done or under control (once a week).

On the other hand, I found this great career website for jobs in food which I think could be a real asset. One head hunting company has emailed me back through it, but they're more agriculture than foods. And located in the midwest. We'll see.

It's Winter!!!

All I can say is it's finally winter because:
a) It's cold (finally)
b) There are pretty lights on campus
c) Classes are almost over/Finals are about to begin
d) MALLOMARS!!!


Yum.

Silly Little Bunny Face

Today Jasmine died. My brother bathed her on Saturday and noticed that she had a growth on her chest. On Monday he took her to the vet first thing, but the vet said that the tests were inconclusive. He was in the process of moving and after the appointment brought her to his new place. Because of all of the excitement of the vet (first time she's ever had to go), the bath (she hated them, but they were necessary) and the move, it was just too much for her. That night she started to wheeze when she breathed, stopped eating or drinking and just lay in the corner. This morning, he took her to a different vet first thing and they took an x-ray. She had a tumor that had basically grown to take up all of her lungs. She had to be put to sleep.

For a rabbit, Jasmine was very well traveled. She started out at UPenn, in one of the Penn Tower's dorm rooms in a 10 gallon fishtank. Later, she spent time on a row house just off campus where she got to hang out with the dudes and get lots of attention. After she completed her college years, she came back home with Ben to NY. He wound up taking a year off before grad school in Colorado being a ski/snowboard bum and I got to take care of her. I had never had a real pet before and it was wonderful to have company while I wrote my college apps and did my homework. I'll never forget her little face peeking up the side of the chair, trying to get me to pet her while I chatted on aim. She also developed a "fondness" for my penguin and duck slippers. I'm pretty sure at that point I still even had bunny slippers that she enjoyed. Her favorite toy was a plush soccer ball that she could bat around, although it was practically the same size as her. Sometimes I would fall asleep in my brother's old room (where she was kept) on his bed and she would jump on me, usuallly scaring the crap out of me in the process and causing her to freak out and jump off quickly, hiding under her favorite piece of furniture. Once she got underneath the cardboard bed ruffle that we designed as a "bunny bumper" and almost got lost inside of the boxspring! She was very inquisitive and her little pink nose was always moving. Jasmine was a bunny with some attitude, a "you know you want to pet me, so quit fooling around" girl that disliked it when you poked her tush. Later she would play games with Ben, taunting him to catch her and then run away and slowly sneak back. However, I never got to do that with her because she was her daddy's girl. No one could take his place and during that time I could tell that she missed him. She lost a little spark in her personality. However, every time that he came back she would at first give him the cold cotton tail but soon warm up and become mush in his hands.

After spending 9 months in NY, Jas went on a car trip all the way to Colorado. She became a true ski bunny there (although it was during the summer), but was soon moved out to LA where she enjoyed a dressing room devoted to her care, nice weather, and the loving companionship of my brother. When he moved out to LA, he didn't know anyone and Jas was his buddy. He would get home from school and she would be so excited to see him that she would run circles around him and poop. Pooping was her favorite way to express endearment. She pooped everywhere.

It's sad to think that since the tumor had spread so much how long she was in pain for. My brother said that looking back, she didn't have quite as much spring in her step the past few months, but other than that, no symptoms manifested themselves. The excitement of the move was just too much for her. My brother said that he couldn't watch them put her to sleep but he spent her last few hours with him, I can just see it, Jasmine with her head all the way on the ground, my brother cupping her head with his hand, running his thumb over her white streak on her forehead. She would only put her head on the ground for him. She would almost do it for me, but no one was like her Bennie.

This was her typical Jasmine "pet me now" look:



I'll miss you fluffy girl.

Let's Go Mets!!!!

Mets=amazing.
David Wright = My Hero/My Man.

However, the game on Wednesday conflicts with Project Runway. Luckily, Bravo only airs PR, West Wing, Actor's Studio and now Six Feet Under so in the next week I'll have about 50 opportunities to watch it.

Words cannot express how excited I am about the Mets right now. It's ridiculous. I'm so siked.

Right now I have an excessive amount of crap to get done before next Thursday. 1 senior lab, due right after we get back, 1 orgo lab due next Thurs, plus 2 prelabs due this Thurs and Fri, 1 homework set due this Tuesday and another most likely due Monday when we get back. And a midterm tomorrow 1 hr after 5 hours of playing with a distillation column. However, I'm in ok shape. 1 prelab done, 1/2 orgo lab, started next week's hw set. I am determined not to do horribly this semester.

I ate some spinach today. Not dead yet. (Crosses fingers)

Overload

If I live through these next three weeks then I will be able to live through a similar three weeks which will in turn allow me to live through yet another similar three weeks. Oh boy. I forgot how terrible it was going to be this semester. I'm dreaming of my 12 credit spring, three of which will probably be research. And I just need to figure out process control in a week and then I'll be ok until our senior lab report is due. That makes up 2 weeks, plus my orgo lab report (eeeaaassssyyy), process control homework and p chem homework. Oh, and regattas every weekend plus 2 sorority meetings per week plus waking up at 4:38 for crew practice. I have resigned myself to being in very poor shape this year until after crew season when I swear I will go to the gym before p chem. (Ha I doubt it'll happen but it's nice to dream). So much for being in bikini shape come the winter cruise :( But then I'll probably just wear it anyway and remember that even when I feel like I can't I usually can get away with it.

I'm so siked for HOTC though! The hotel will be awesome. Not to mention our ultimate coxswain room. It's going to be a blast. And I get to see my parents!

Dr. Bore

aka, well I won't say just in case someone sees this.

So lab yesterday was the first time I ever thought "Is this ballpoint pen sharp enough to break the skin of my hand? How much pressure would it take and would I be able to excuse myself from class without looking suicidal?" Speaking of suicidal, according to Dr. B suicide is fine by him although homicide, including manslaughter is a horrific thing that people should be put to death for. Accidents are included in this, even if they are caused inadvertantly. But mostly they're caused by stupid people, of which there will be at least one in our lab class, although that is a much lower ratio than outside of school. One other thing stupid people do is not use the restroom when they have to. It's distracting, practically the same as trying to multi-task (which is impossible, he can't do it at all and therefore doesn't believe anyone else can, especially if you're talking on your cell phone and driving and someone calls you to say that you brother died in a horrible accident and then there you go, not paying attention to the road and wind up in an accident and dead too and then how will your mother feel?) and you can injure yourself or cause an accident (continue into accident/homicide/suicide rant) and then where would that leave you?

Needless to say I am really looking forward to having him tear apart our lab plans every other week and generally be patronizing and make our lives miserable.

Not.

School Days, School Days

Aaaaaannnddd so it begins! Officially a senior today! Except I didn't actually have class, which was more of a bonus, although I feel like at this point I would prefer to just go to it. Tomorrow I'll have class at 9 am :/ bah. Instead of being in class today I am watching the US Open and TLC/Discovery Health. Discovery Health is my new TLC. Honestly. The drama is more real, they don't always have a happy birth that goes perfectly (sounds great, right?). And they have pregnant models. There is a comic factor to that show. I mean a 9 months pregnant women trying to give the sexy eye to a camera. Not that pregnant women don't deserve to be looked upon as sexy (lord knows I'll want to feel that way) but when they pose them with their bellies showing or have them in bikinis walking down the catwalk- just kind of amusing.

I can't decide whether or not I want to go home for the holidays. According to a erratic email my mother sent me, my older brother (one in London) may come home (for work?) that weekend. In which case I would want to go home. This would mean that I would have to go home on Friday night and then come back on Sunday night/Monday morning. Might be hectic, although I really would like to. Sigh. Maybe I can go to NJ instead. But it's not the same, plus their temple is so crowded that my family may not be able to sneak me in. And then there's the issue of my super-comfy bed at home. in Oct. I think I'll get myself an invitation to DC. I hate making those awkward phone calls to family members..."Hi! How are you! What are you doing for the holidays? Can I come spend it with you and stay over?" In theory I've already been invited but still. I hate being on the phone. I'd much prefer letters or emails or face to face contact. Maybe that's just my anti-social behavior talking.

I need to figure out what to feed myself this week...jelly meatballs and then some special roasted chicken perhaps?